How far would you go for the so-called perfect body? Diet and exercise? Plastic surgery? What about death?
According to one study, 48% of gay men would trade a year of their life for the perfect body. And a staggering 10% of those respondents would trade 11 years (or more!) if they could have that perfect body right now!
There’s a few reasons why we shouldn’t be surprised.
First, it’s not just gay men. A lot of straight people would die for the perfect body, too. A survey of British women ages 18 to 65 found that nearly one in three would trade a year of their life for a perfect body.
Second, we know that gay men are particularly dissatisfied with their bodies. Study after study has found that body dissatisfaction is highest in gay men. We are more dissatisfied with our bodies than straight men, lesbians or straight women. As such, it’s not shocking that more of us would die early for the perfect body.
Third, when it comes to body image, gay men really experience the perfect storm. Sure, coming out and being rejected by family and friends or experiencing discrimination may have some impact on the way we see ourselves - and our bodies. But lesbians experience a relatively high level of body satisfaction, so that doesn’t tell the complete story. And yes, gay culture is very body-centric; we see images of go-go boys in speedos or underwear models with six packs. But straight culture directs similar and even more pervasive imagery towards straight women. So why do gay men hate their bodies even more?
I don’t think gay men objectify men’s bodies any more than straight men objectify women’s bodies. But with gay men, we also happen to live in the same bodies that we objectify. If a straight guy likes a woman with big breasts, he’s not necessarily going to beat himself up for not having boobs. If a gay guy is attracted to pecs, he may become upset with himself for not having them. And therein lies the difference.
So what’s the lesson to be learned in all of this? When it comes to body image, gay men have a lot of work to do. But where there are great challenges, there are also great opportunities.
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts for learning to replace some of that body hate with love.
P.S. Recognizing that rebuilding and repairing the relationship with your body is the foundation for any true and lasting transformation, I worked with psychotherapist and spiritual weight release coach Diane Petrella to put together a fat loss program based on self-love. It’s very different, but very powerful… feel free to check it out.
About Davey Wavey
No surprise here!!! The gay community is sickening at this stage, where nearly no form of advertising can go without the image of a fitness model. In my country, there’s even a gay insurance scheme with its banners covered in oiled up fitness models…. Insurance!!?! How much more narcissism and body praise can they possibly shove down our throats? Everything is surrounded by sexappeal and perfection. All the instagram selfies are provocative body pics with endless amounts of comments praising the said photo with each comment more lustful than the next… Please, I beg this community… STOP!! How on earth will anyone learn how to appreciate their beauty if all you are fed that you are not good enough and that the very measure of your physical attractiveness should always be compared to the half clad model? It’s as though the sub culture has complete disregard for personal beauty and personality for that matter. You can be gay, beautiful, healthy, sexy and happy without the bombardment of this sort of image. Please, please, please make it stop. Love yourself enough to respect yourself in a way that feeling beautiful does not cost anything more than a smile in the mirror.
“where nearly no form of advertising can go without the image of a fitness model”
This is addressed in the article, though; straight women are heavily sexualised in advertising to straight men, and that’s far more pervasive simply because the advertising targets a much larger demographic so is more widespread.
I understand what you’re saying and very much agree a lot of gay men feel that way. For myself it’s not a matter of what I’m attracted to is what I want my own body to look like. More of when I was younger I never felt accepted and being called “queer” by the same guys I wanted to be my friends really did a number on my self-esteem. Growing up, I never felt like a “man” - sports fanatic, tough, muscular. And although I can’t help the first two, being muscular always felt like the way in to being accepted by my straight counter parts. Now that I’ve taken to working out regularly, being in the military and in close quarters constantly, it’s a huge self-esteem booster having guys asking to workout with me. Ask my for help. Ask for my advice. And want to be my friend. I can’t help but constantly criticize my body. How can I get a bigger chest, huge biceps, ripped abs. - How can I keep getting all that “acceptance” is what it really breaks down to.
Given how much time you must give up to get a body like that, a year of your life sounds like excellent value.
How could we replace body hate with body love? How about not hyping a weight loss program at the end of an article about how desperate gay men are to have the perfect body.
My thought exactly! OH, the irony of writing in aghast tones about gay men being too obsessed with their body image, only to end by advertising your personal trainer business! LOL!!!
I was never so self-conscious about my body as when I finally came out. I feel funny about changing in the locker room because I don’t have a perfect body with a washboard stomach. It is ridiculous and annoying.
You state “to put together a fat loss program based on self-love”. Fat isn’t my problem. I love to lift weights, but It REDUCES my appetite and I fall below an ideal weight. My nutritionist told me to not eat protein.
I’d love to have a better relationship with my body, but I’m not sure how through exercise.
“My nutritionist told me to not eat protein.”
Never go to that nutritionist ever again, and seek professional advice from a *dietician* rather than the charlatan you’ve been visiting so far.
Really, Davey? You’re surprised by this??
This seems very odd to hear coming from someone who seems to get extreme amounts of pleasure from reminding us all regularly how perfectly hot he is. How would you even know what it’s like to diet and exercise for years and years and still feel like you look like pure crap? With pics of your body all over the net…and all sorts of other images the gay media throws at us—does it not occur to you how the rest of us must feel???
I must’ve missed it, but I don’t recall Davey ever saying how hot he is. He says how comfortable he is in his body and those are two completely different things.
Nic, when I said “remind” I meant via flaunting his perfect torso shirtless every single freakin’ day. He doesn’t hafta use words at all. It’s all in the visuals.
Im workingout right now.The irony
I wouldnt trade my life its not that serious.
I do not understand why this starts out with “WTF”. When I came out, I thought I would find acceptance and understanding within the gay community. I found quite the opposite. I found the gay community by and large to be labeling, judgmental, materialistic and aesthetically driven. I hadn’t felt that uncomfortable and unwanted since being bullied in school for being the poor, fat kid. I originally felt the pressure to “fit in” and try and overhaul myself, then I came to my senses.
Well to each his own
I’m with you BK, the gay community is not the most accepting. I don’t think I ever was told I was not good looking enough until I started dating guys. I played sports all throughout high school and even in college, but I was never one of those Adonis types. In a lot of ways I’m a better person for it. After years of going to extremes to get them”perfect” body I met some great (straight) people who helped me find a better perspective on my body. If I couldn’t love the skin I’m in, no one else could. And even though it didn’t happen anything like a fairy tale, I eventually found someone who loves me no matter how I look in the morning, sweaty I am after the gym, or goofy I am in bed. He loves me, all of me. And after a long time, I can say that I do too. I hope everyone, gay or straight, can find that place in which they can celebrate their bodies instead of nitpick it.
Exxxxcellent! Great to hear.
Sorry Davey, but your career, while focused on many different things, is primarily focused on achieving physical perfection. Every man you feature, gay or straight, is a perfect physical specimen. When have you done a video on the importance of overweight gay men having positive body image? Or even had a plus size gay man in your videos? You bring a smile to my day many times, but to think that you’re not perpetuating this need for the perfect body is surprising, to day the least.
I myself am in a similar predicament. While in my conscious mind, I know I am not particularly obese, I know there is plenty of room for improvement. All I have to do is look at this website, http://bodyvisualizer.com/male.html for a bit of outside, unbiased judgement.
So yes, is it awful that I would give YEARS of my life for the perfect body now? Yes, it is truly awful. To think that I, myself, and others, have such low self esteem that they would be willing to give years of their life to be what is considered ‘beautiful’ right now. But the fact of the matter is, I am one of many who am willing to starve myself to be what is considered pretty by American society right now. Why? Because I feel like it is basically a necessity to be relevant in society. To be popular, famous, etc.
The fact that I wake up everyday and feel gross about my body despite being what is considered ‘average’ makes me sad (because I know there are far worse out there) but also because I have SUCH a hard time making a change. And I think that is what is hard. Making the change. I am trying, but it is SO hard. To leave behind a life of habits to become a new person.
So yea, I would love to have a new body, a perfect body, even if it meant shaving off a couple years on my life. Why? Because that is what it takes to live in this society and be really successful. It is awful to admit, but it is true, a pretty face and a gorgeous body will get you VERY far in life. I wish it were (generally) different, but is isn’t.
A pretty relevant pop culture example is Chris Pratt. He was semi famous before his body transformation; yea, people knew him on the Office, but he wasn’t the ‘heartthrob’ he is now. But after his body transformation from chunky to hunky, he has become what Hollywood describes as one of the top actors. I’m not saying he isn’t good at what he does, but it took his change in physical appearance to make others to see that. Which is a shame. But our sense of aesthetics overrides a lot of our other senses.
(sorry for the novel)
-Blake
Oh there are lots of examples that sex sells Brad Pitt,Tom Cruise ,Christian Bale,Shema Moore even Mario Lopez oh and lets not forget Kim K ect
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