As a gay man and as a personal trainer, the issue of gay men hating their bodies is one that strikes close to home. And as someone who struggled with anorexia for years while growing up, this issue is personal.
There’s been a lot of discussion in recent weeks about why gay men hate their bodies more than straight guys, lesbians or even straight women. But I don’t think anyone is getting it right - so I decided to weigh in on the issue of gay men and body image.
Here’s why (I think) gay men hate their bodies so much.
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From my point of view, I totally agree with your conclusion that we objectify the same male form, and hence the more we see other guys with beautifully sculpted bodies, we tend to want to have that too.
Another reason, which I personally experience, but I’m not sure if this applies to other people, is the feeling of wanting to be “better than straight people”. You see, because we are already a ‘minority’ in the society, we (or I) tend to feel that I have to be better looking, have a better physique, and be more attractive, compared to other people. It sort of leads to a feeling of security where, “even though I’m gay, at least I have the body”, to let others be envy of. Society has led us to think that homo is bad, so one way of feeling good about it is having good looks or a body as a ‘compensation’ and ‘benefit’ to being gay.
Stereotyping such as “All the good looking ones are gay” also contribute to this issue, leading to the reasoning that I just mentioned above….
But all in all I don’t HATE my body. I’m learning to appreciate it and witness my own transformation to be bigger and better =)
Well then wouldn’t it be the same for lesbians? Like I bet they also look in the mirror and wish that they’d see reflected back an image of big ol’ titties and thin waistlines (what most would be attracted to). Those who see something else would also hate their bodies just as much as gay men do. I just think that your “reason why gay men hate their bodies” is really actually applicable to both gay men and lesbian women. But like you said, research says that gay men are more hateful of their bodies.. so it must be something else then.. And I’m not trying to challenge you I totally love you 🙂
Are you saying that only thin / buff guys can be in relationships? I am referring to your comment about “married fat and happy”.
A lot of guys surely have body image issues because there is this notion that there if you aren’t thin and/or buff you aren’t good enough.
There is more to a person than the size of their dick, the smallness of their waste or the carbs they do or don’t eat.
There was a cartoon years ago that showed a middle-aged, overweight, balding man in a speedo looking at himself in a full-length mirror. His middle-aged, nicely built wife in a conservative two-piece swim suit looking in another full-length mirror. The man sees himself built like a confident Charles Atlas with a full head of hair. His wife sees in her reflection a terribly overweight, depressed woman. It is very true that we straight men (older ones at least) are intensely confident as men. But, our dads taught us to be confident since our country needed strong men. I think younger men didn’t get that training. In comparison to their peers, my six sons are unusually confident men for their friends didn’t have dads who taught them to be men. Sadly now that they are grown, these young men are trying to figure it out how to be men for themselves. Not a pretty picture.
Totally agree on all points. When I got comfortable in my last relationship with “the One” I got lazy n chubby and then got cheated on. I didn’t realize I was still in competition with all the other boys my ex would see behind my back. Sucks when you realize you’re at fault for being alone when he did the cheating.